


Two People Talking - Servalan and Samantha

by Sally M (sallymn)



Series: Two People Talking... [2]
Category: Blakes 7, Stargate SG-1
Genre: AU, Crack, Crossover, Fourth Wall, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-03
Updated: 2010-04-03
Packaged: 2017-10-08 16:45:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/77591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sallymn/pseuds/Sally%20M
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a dialogue between two of my less favourite people, in a Very Strange Place... guest appearances and mentions from a range of fandoms :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two People Talking - Servalan and Samantha

**Two People Talking...**

"It's no use, dear," Her ex-Supremeness spoke idly, picking with her nails at the vulture feathers on her dress and watching as the newcomer tried yet again to get the door open. "Believe me." 

"Why should I?" Carter swung around to snap at her, big blue eyes blazing with self-righteous anger. 

"Perhaps because while we're _here_," flicking a disdainful look around the cavernous, rather garish room, decorated in what the last... _lucky_ inhabitant had called 1980s kitsch, and overstuffed with an assortment of items disturbing even to her hardened sensibilities. "I have no reason to lie." 

"From what I've heard, you don't need a reason." 

Servalan lifted one overplucked eyebrow and smiled. "And you heard this from -?" 

"Friend of a friend, while _he_ was in the other room." 

"Ah." The smile soured. "And this friend is now... where?" 

"Somewhere better than _this_, for cryin' out loud. Who does _She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed_ think she is?" Carter, finally using the genius she was born with to realise that the door was merely painted on, thumped it once more, and sat down on an overstuffed orange vinyl pouffe decorated with fading and peeling Spice Girl decals. 

"Someone who - it seems - must be obeyed. At least in _this_ reality." 

"_She_ can't do this!!!" Tears pooled in the blue eyes - the tears of a feisty, yet utterly sensitive woman who only wept when pushed to the limit, no more than three times a week and every time she gazed adoringly at her commanding officer. Who was probably having a hell of a better time than she was. The thought made more tears well up, this time of rage. 

"If I find out he and Daniel and Robert Blasted Rothman are somewhere nicer than this..." 

"Of course they are, you idiot." Servalan's brittle composure cracked as she stared at a black velvet wall hanging painted with luridly coloured Sinatras. "This is the place _She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed_ stores everything she doesn't like. _Everything._" She glared at a row of blow-up synthetic Billy Ray Cyruses, who glared synthetically back. "Though how _anyone_ with taste could like that fool O'Neill - or prefer Jenna Stannis's cheap charms to mine - is beyond comprehension." 

"It's - not - _fair_!" Carter kicked three footballs, a football player or two, and James Kirk's head out of the way. "Why doesn't _She_ like me? I'm every bit as bright as Daniel or that Sandburg guy -" 

"Though, we must admit, not quite as..." Servalan rolled the word distastefully around her tongue, "_cute_." 

"I am every bit as cute as Daniel!" The wail of fury hit a dangerously high decibel, and a stuffed... _something_ that had been pretty horrible when alive toppled and fell at her feet. A NewWho Alien, by the looks of it. 

"But not Sandburg." 

That was hard to argue with - few things inside this overstuffed skull that was their world were cuter than Sandburg - and Sam huffed, kicked Kirk's head again, and thought about sulking. "The Colonel likes me better, it's canon." 

"My dear woman, I _do_ understand." Servalan's lips curled. "But look on the bright side, at least She lets you out when she wants to play with _them_ \- you're," she spoke condescendingly, "_part of the team_." 

"The part of the team that gets sent offworld to assess the military uses of dinosaur dung and then ignored for the whole 100 pages!!!" 

Servalan looked slightly ill. "She perpetrated 100 pages of your O'Neill?" 

Carter looked wounded. "What's wrong with the Colonel?" 

"Oh, _no_ dear, he's handsome enough but... let's just say that military men seldom have the finesse I insist on." 

Thinking on the military man Her Ex-Supremeness was linked with - oh god, that Travis! - Carter found that just as hard to argue with, so she gave the head a third kick, then threw a Precious Moments figure - that looked suspiciously like a bald, blue-skinned alien - at a 7th Heaven dartboard. "Anyway, it wasn't 100 pages of the Colonel, it was mostly Sandburg and Ellison, because _She_ plays favourites. The Colonel was just - around quite a bit." 

"I see. And you -?" 

"Oh, that time I was sent out to buy kitty litter for Ellison's imaginary jaguar right at the start and spent the whole time in the OutofSightOutofMind Place." Both women cringed. "Which is worse than here, I guess. At least there's... _something_ here, even if it's all stuff She doesn't like." She huffed again. "Including us." 

"And me," Kirk's head said feebly. 

"You should be grateful. The only times I get out of here is when _She_ wants death and destruction. I never have the _time_ to seduce anyone before expiring messily and finding myself back here. Ridiculous, really, Avon and his... Blake never have to follow canon and die, I have to do it for them..." 

"You could always refuse." 

One thin eyebrow lifted again. 

"Okay, you can't." 

"It could be worse. Before you came there was this _repellent_ fool who called himself - what was it? - ah yes, Joxer." Servalan grimaced "I had no choice but to kill him." 

"Kill - how could you?" 

"Quite easily, _She_ doesn't like guns so there are always some around here." 

"But -" 

"Of course, I then had to kill him another seventeen times before _She_ finally forgot his existence and he finally disappeared." 

Carter wondered briefly where anyone went when _She_ forgot them... and decided she didn't want to know. There were worse places than... 

Her gaze fell on a stuffed and mounted Jar Jar Binks. 

Or maybe there weren't. 

"Presumably," Her Ex-Supremeness said, slowly and carefully shredding the last of the garish, overcoloured AnywhereandEveywhere Idol pictures, then watching them reform as loud and gaudy as ever, "there is a She Who Must Be Obeyed... _somewhere_... who prefers my charms to Blake's rather dubious appeal. And who sees your place as with your Colonel, for better or... best." 

"And likes _real_ romance." 

"Scheming political brilliance -" 

"Kick-ass women rather than cute geeks -" 

"And who simply _adores_ James T Kirk." Both women thought about it, looked at the head smiling hopefully at them, and shuddered.  


**\- the end -**

**Author's Note:**

> Written for an LJ challenge, prompted by someone who knows how I feel... :)


End file.
